My Awakening.......My Story

What i Am........The change that change my life

Dear Friends, the day when i lost my father, it was real awakening to my life. it was hard day to me......as the time passed, grievance got more intense....and a village boy shines in international level. how i took my fathers words to change the world around me......I tried...i got....the most important was to try. Now with 4 international, two national award, World recognition, 3 underprivilaged students in international and 5 students in national post.....and most important learned way of happy life...and now source of inspiration. its me.......Dr. Prafulla.

       

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective. This is your awakening.

I realize that that day, it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. I come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with me. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So i begin making my way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” I realize that much of who i am, and the way i navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning I've received over the course of a lifetime. And i begin to sift through all the nonsense i was taught about:

- how i should look and how much i should weigh
- what i should wear and where i should shop
- where i should live or what type of car i should drive
- whom i should sleep with and how i should behave
- whom i should marry and why i should stay
- the importance of having children or what i owe my family

Slowly  i to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And i begin reassessing and redefining who i am and what i really believe in. And i begin to discard the doctrines i have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

I accept the fact that i am not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what i am... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, i come to terms with the fact that i will never be  perfect human being for that matter. So i stop trying to compete with the image inside my head or agonizing over how i compare. And i take a long look at myself in the mirror and i make a promise to give myrself the same unconditional love and support i give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, i stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for my next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then i discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance me seek grows out of the giving. And i recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And i give thanks for the simple things I've been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue my own dreams.

And then i begin to love and to care for myself. i stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. i begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because I've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, i give myself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so i make it a point to create time for play.

Then i learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And i allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects me to glorify me with his touch. i learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about me. So, i stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to me or weren’t done for me. And i learn to keep my Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

I learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. I learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, I eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify me. i  stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting my needs aside. i learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is my right to want or expect certain things. And i learn the importance of communicating my needs with confidence and grace. i  learn that the only cross to bear is the one i choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then i learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. i learn that i don’t know all the answers, it’s not my job to save the world and that sometimes i just need to Let Go.

Moreover, i learn to look at people as they really are and not as i would want them to be, and i am careful not to project my neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. i learn that i will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on my arm or the child that bearsmy name. I learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love me the way i would want them to. So i stop appraising my worth by the measure of love i have given. And suddenly i realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve my needs, ease my insecurities, or meet “my” standards and expectations. i learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And i learn what it means to love. So i stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. I learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and i begin to discover the joy of spending time “with myself” and “on myself.” Then i discover the greatest and most fulfilling love i will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding my heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, i begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And i stop wasting time and energy rehashing my situation with family and friends. I learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep i trapped in the past. So, i stop lamenting over what could or should have been and i make a decision to leave the past behind. Then i begin to invest my time and energy to affect positive change. I take a personal inventory of all my strengths and weaknesses and the areas me need to improve in order to move ahead. I set my goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

I learn that life isn’t always fair and i don’t always get what i think i deserve and i stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. I learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And I stop looking for guarantees because I’ve learned that the only thing i can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, I’ll learn to deal with it. And i learn that the only thing i must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So i learn to step right into and through my fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on my terms. I learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and i learn to go after what i want and not to squander my life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, i learn about the money... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And i recognize the necessity to create my own personal wealth. Slowly, i begin to take responsibility for myself by myself and i make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never ever settle for less than my heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And i live with honor and integrity because i know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which i must build my life. And i make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then i hang a wind chime outside my window to remind myself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in my heart and with mother by my side  take a stand, i take a deep breath and i begin to design the life i want to live as best as i can.

Prafulla....

At the river of Budapest, Hungery. The time made me feel how my thoughts take me to this path.......was a real awakening